Tag Archives: Author

10 Ways To Get A Great Publishing Deal ;)

Hobnob With Celebs: Remember that celebrity author you bumped into once at Waitrose/Aldi? (They probably won’t remember you.) Simply stand in the same spot and hope that lightning strikes twice. If it does – hand over your manuscript and wait for their agent to call.

Milk Your Contacts: Ask your best mate’s friend’s aunt’s mother’s cousin’s sister in law who knows someone who works in publishing…to ask her best mate’s friend’s aunt’s mother’s cousin’s sister in law if she would ask someone who works in publishing to publish your book.

How to get a publishing deal

Do Something Unusual: Go around the world on a unicycle while Juggling scorpions.* You’ll probably fall off & require medical attention – which will get you media attention…a book deal, 2 minutes on Oprah, etc.

Do Something Dull: Some YouTubers simply unwrap stuff and get millions of online visitors. Why not fix a camera above your desk and let people see every word as you write it. You’ll be amazed at how folk will love watching you write. And love commenting about your grammar and punctuation.

Get A Pal To Nominate You For ‘The Nobel Prize In Literature’ [In The Hope It Will Get You Noticed]: According to Wikipedia, ‘Each year the Swedish Academy sends out requests for nominations of candidates for the Nobel Prize in Literature. Members of the Academy, members of literature academies and societies, professors of literature and language, former Nobel literature laureates, and the presidents of writers’ organizations are all allowed to nominate a candidate. However, it is not permitted to nominate oneself.’

Marry Into The Royal Family: Then write tales about a helicopter.

Become Famous: To get a great publishing deal, make sure you first get a gold at an Olympic sport. Or present on national TV, play football for a major club. Or sing in a band…

Streak At A High Profile Sporting Event [With Your First Chapter Tattooed On Your Bottom]:  How much you’ll get noticed really depends on the size of your bum.

Go Small:  Write your book on a pinhead and get it into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Send a publisher a big dollop of Porridge: A quirky Scottish cat who once fell in a tin of tartan paint. Hang on, I’ve just done that. Better try one of the other suggestions…

Click the link if you wish to have a peek at or download Loch Ness Mess

*NO SCORPIONS WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG POST

Porridge the Tartan Cat books launched purr-fectly

The first two stories in my Porridge the Tartan Cat  (6 book) series were launched last week.

Brawsome Bagpipes, alan dapre, author, scotland, floris books, childrens books, humour

Brawsome Bagpipes, alan dapre, author, scotland, floris books, childrens books, humour

A large group of eager readers gathered at West Kilbride Library in Ayrshire, Scotland to discover more about a terrific tartan cat called Porridge, who lives with the McFun family in Tattiebogle Town.

Staff from Edinburgh-based Floris Books (recently named Scottish Publisher Of The Year) were on hand to provide drinks and nibbles. I brought various activities and a tub of homemade fishy biscuits, Porridge’s favourite treat. Me-yum!

homemade biscuits, fishy, biscuits, porridge, tartan, cat, alan, dapre, Floris, scotland

The guests were entertained by an informative introductory speech about the series from Floris editor Lois, and then it was my turn. Cue lots of purr-fectly bad puns and a-mew-sing jokes from the author.

I discussed how the books came about, way back in 2011. (I wanted to do a series about a family with secrets – a Grandad with awesome gadgets, a Gran who was once a groovy singer, etc).

Then I talked about the characters and the way names had changed. For instance, Mini Mum was once Dinky Dad! And the name Porridge was originally used for a character called Doris Porridge.

I read out an extract from Brawsome Bagpipes and got everyone joining in with terrific tongue-twisters, e.g., ‘The dastardly Dug o Doom did a devious deed indeed!’

Later, I was joined by my daughter Isla – who features as a character in the series and has her own big adventure in one of the six books (where she turns invisible! You’ll see one day, or maybe you won’t…?)

[Btw, to get the look of the character Isla right, the series illustrator Yuliya Simona was given some pics of Isla and asked to draw a girl with glasses, a bob and a big smile. She did a brilliant job]

Isla, Ross, McFun, Dapre, Porridge, The Tartan Cat, tartan, cat, Floris, brawsome bagpipes, brawsome, bash, crash, ding,

Another child and his mum – who is an excellent actress – also helped out with a reading from Bash-Crash-Ding! It was lovely to hear my words come to life in front of everyone.

Porridge, tartan, cat, alan dapre, scotland, tartan cat, porridge the tartan cat, floors, childrens book, tattiebogle town, date

Reading aloud from Bash-Crash-Ding

We ended with some more joining in activities and a signing session, while the children did table-top tasks and had a go at Pin The Tail On The Porridge.

Here are some pics of the night’s events:

Porridge the Tartan Cat, tartan, cat, porridge, launch, books, alan dapre, alan, dapre, humour, floris

Signing Porridge books at my launch

porridge the tartan cat, alan dapre, book signing, Floris, scotland , author, childrens author

More signing

tartan cat, porridge, alan dapre, author, scotland, floris books, glasgow,

This is what it’s all about. Brawsome stories for kids.

alan dapre, porridge the tartan cat, tartan cat, floors, books, childrens, scotland, story

Reading an extract from Porridge

porridge, tartan cat, alan dapre, Floris, brawsome bagpipes, books, bash crash ding, scotland

Porridge with his tartan cat books

Books are available in-store and online with waterstones,  amazon,  w h smith and Floris Books. Plus other reputable sellers.