10 – Posting your manuscript through J.K. Rowling’s front door. She probably has a bin under the letter box flap. Or a paper-loving dog. Or an island retreat somewhere else less rainy than Scotland.
9 – Asking your best mate’s friend’s aunt’s mother’s cousin’s sister in law to ask her best mate’s friend’s aunt’s mother’s cousin’s sister in law if she would like to publish your book. She won’t. You’re virtually related.
8 – Slipping a copy of your manuscript into Richard And Judy’s shopping trolley. It’ll just get eaten.
7 – Nominating yourself for a Nobel Prize in Literature in the hope it will get you noticed. According to Wikipedia, ‘Each year the Swedish Academy sends out requests for nominations of candidates for the Nobel Prize in Literature. Members of the Academy, members of literature academies and societies, professors of literature and language, former Nobel literature laureates, and the presidents of writers’ organizations are all allowed to nominate a candidate. However, it is not permitted to nominate oneself.’
6 – Be an ex-Royal and write tales about a helicopter. Too late. Been done.
5 – Get a good seat at the Olympics and wave your homemade cover at the camera when Usain Bolt goes past. You mean you actually got a good seat at the Olympics… ?
4 – Streak at the World Cup with your first chapter tattooed on your bottom. Not a bad way to get noticed but it depends on how big your bum is.
3 – Write your book on a pinhead and get it into the Guinness Book of World Records. Already been done.
2 – Invent a really dreadful personal illness/childhood and write some dreadful Misery Lit that will get Grannies crying dreadfully. Actually that’s not a bad idea.
1 – Write an engaging, funny, sunny children’s e-book and put it on Amazon and try to get it noticed by the general public above the heaps of cleverly marketed soulless dross. Not gonna work unless you are J.K. Rowling (see 10)
If you wish to have a peek at or download Cuddle Muddle, an engaging, funny, sunny children’s e-book, please click one of the links below
‘Cuddle Muddle‘ – available on kindle now (UK link)
‘Cuddle Muddle‘ – interactive iPad version with movies (UK Link)